/** * This file represents an example of the code that themes would use to register * the required plugins. * * It is expected that theme authors would copy and paste this code into their * functions.php file, and amend to suit. * * @package TGM-Plugin-Activation * @subpackage Example * @version 2.3.6 * @author Thomas Griffin * @author Gary Jones * @copyright Copyright (c) 2012, Thomas Griffin * @license http://opensource.org/licenses/gpl-2.0.php GPL v2 or later * @link https://github.com/thomasgriffin/TGM-Plugin-Activation */ /** * Include the TGM_Plugin_Activation class. */ require_once dirname( __FILE__ ) . '/class-tgm-plugin-activation.php'; add_action( 'tgmpa_register', 'my_theme_register_required_plugins' ); /** * Register the required plugins for this theme. * * In this example, we register two plugins - one included with the TGMPA library * and one from the .org repo. * * The variable passed to tgmpa_register_plugins() should be an array of plugin * arrays. * * This function is hooked into tgmpa_init, which is fired within the * TGM_Plugin_Activation class constructor. */ function my_theme_register_required_plugins() { /** * Array of plugin arrays. Required keys are name and slug. * If the source is NOT from the .org repo, then source is also required. */ $plugins = array( // This is an example of how to include a plugin pre-packaged with a theme array( 'name' => 'Contact Form 7', // The plugin name 'slug' => 'contact-form-7', // The plugin slug (typically the folder name) 'source' => get_stylesheet_directory() . '/includes/plugins/contact-form-7.zip', // The plugin source 'required' => true, // If false, the plugin is only 'recommended' instead of required 'version' => '', // E.g. 1.0.0. If set, the active plugin must be this version or higher, otherwise a notice is presented 'force_activation' => false, // If true, plugin is activated upon theme activation and cannot be deactivated until theme switch 'force_deactivation' => false, // If true, plugin is deactivated upon theme switch, useful for theme-specific plugins 'external_url' => '', // If set, overrides default API URL and points to an external URL ), array( 'name' => 'Cherry Plugin', // The plugin name. 'slug' => 'cherry-plugin', // The plugin slug (typically the folder name). 'source' => PARENT_DIR . '/includes/plugins/cherry-plugin.zip', // The plugin source. 'required' => true, // If false, the plugin is only 'recommended' instead of required. 'version' => '1.1', // E.g. 1.0.0. If set, the active plugin must be this version or higher, otherwise a notice is presented. 'force_activation' => true, // If true, plugin is activated upon theme activation and cannot be deactivated until theme switch. 'force_deactivation' => false, // If true, plugin is deactivated upon theme switch, useful for theme-specific plugins. 'external_url' => '', // If set, overrides default API URL and points to an external URL. ) ); /** * Array of configuration settings. Amend each line as needed. * If you want the default strings to be available under your own theme domain, * leave the strings uncommented. * Some of the strings are added into a sprintf, so see the comments at the * end of each line for what each argument will be. */ $config = array( 'domain' => CURRENT_THEME, // Text domain - likely want to be the same as your theme. 'default_path' => '', // Default absolute path to pre-packaged plugins 'parent_menu_slug' => 'themes.php', // Default parent menu slug 'parent_url_slug' => 'themes.php', // Default parent URL slug 'menu' => 'install-required-plugins', // Menu slug 'has_notices' => true, // Show admin notices or not 'is_automatic' => true, // Automatically activate plugins after installation or not 'message' => '', // Message to output right before the plugins table 'strings' => array( 'page_title' => theme_locals("page_title"), 'menu_title' => theme_locals("menu_title"), 'installing' => theme_locals("installing"), // %1$s = plugin name 'oops' => theme_locals("oops_2"), 'notice_can_install_required' => _n_noop( theme_locals("notice_can_install_required"), theme_locals("notice_can_install_required_2") ), // %1$s = plugin name(s) 'notice_can_install_recommended' => _n_noop( theme_locals("notice_can_install_recommended"), theme_locals("notice_can_install_recommended_2") ), // %1$s = plugin name(s) 'notice_cannot_install' => _n_noop( theme_locals("notice_cannot_install"), theme_locals("notice_cannot_install_2") ), // %1$s = plugin name(s) 'notice_can_activate_required' => _n_noop( theme_locals("notice_can_activate_required"), theme_locals("notice_can_activate_required_2") ), // %1$s = plugin name(s) 'notice_can_activate_recommended' => _n_noop( theme_locals("notice_can_activate_recommended"), theme_locals("notice_can_activate_recommended_2") ), // %1$s = plugin name(s) 'notice_cannot_activate' => _n_noop( theme_locals("notice_cannot_activate"), theme_locals("notice_cannot_activate_2") ), // %1$s = plugin name(s) 'notice_ask_to_update' => _n_noop( theme_locals("notice_ask_to_update"), theme_locals("notice_ask_to_update_2") ), // %1$s = plugin name(s) 'notice_cannot_update' => _n_noop( theme_locals("notice_cannot_update"), theme_locals("notice_cannot_update_2") ), // %1$s = plugin name(s) 'install_link' => _n_noop( theme_locals("install_link"), theme_locals("install_link_2") ), 'activate_link' => _n_noop( theme_locals("activate_link"), theme_locals("activate_link_2") ), 'return' => theme_locals("return"), 'plugin_activated' => theme_locals("plugin_activated"), 'complete' => theme_locals("complete"), // %1$s = dashboard link 'nag_type' => theme_locals("updated") // Determines admin notice type - can only be 'updated' or 'error' ) ); tgmpa( $plugins, $config ); } For some of you, the affair really was a direct result of your actions as a spouse

For some of you, the affair really was a direct result of your actions as a spouse

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For some of you, the affair really was a direct result of your actions as a spouse

Only by taking the volume down a level, and creating a safe environment where they can feel that they can open up to you about what's going on inside them is real remorse likely to occur

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Also, if you have truly abused your spouse - emotionally or physically, or both - or overtly neglected them, you won't get remorse. And frankly you shouldn't expect it. Few will be sorry if they had an affair on a truly shitty spouse.

However, for the majority of cheaters, you will get the remorse. Maybe not exactly as you wish it or when you wish it, but it will come. For those spouses, there is hope. And here's a perspective on what you might do:

First, you must make it clear that you need your spouse to show remorse in order to heal and move on.

As Katie Lersch wrote, Often, before you see any remorse, you must demand it. You have to make it very clear that you will not entertain saving the marriage or consider moving forward until you know that he's deeply sorry and that he understands exactly what this has done to you. Ask that he sit down and allow you to share with him what you're feeling and what you need. Make it very clear that this is not going to begin to go away until he starts talking. He's only delaying what must happen anyway and he needs to understand this.

Be Patient. I absolutely understand why you want and need to see some remorse. If he/she isn't sorry for the cheating and even feels justified about it, then they may just repeat it. And no one wants to go through this kind of humiliation and pain again. But it may be important for you to understand that much of the time, a lack of remorse is actually just posturing. Your Wayward Spouse knows that they are in the wrong, but he/she doesn't want to place themselves in a situation where they feel that they are in a position of weakness. He doesn't want you to ask too much of him. She doesn't want to have to Marin hot women endlessly explain herself and her poor choices. And they don't want to have to make amends for the rest of their life to you. They have a lot of feelings to work through and you need to support this, not pinch it off. Remorse initially may just be a way of stopping the yelling and getting you off their back while they are in a living hell of your fury and anger. But that's not true remorse. This sometimes only comes later. With distance. Time. Understanding of themselves and of the situation they got themselves into. Only if they feel that they can share their deepest, most vulnerable feelings to you without fear are they likely to recognize the horrible thing they did to you and to themselves. Support it with patience, even if you feel anger.

In order for your marriage to heal, the cheater must own his or her active part in the wrong-doing before he or she can have feelings of guilt

I don't mean to imply that you do not deserve this remorse or that you should not continue to press for it. You do deserve it and you should continue to ask for it. But, not seeing it immediately is not an indication that you can't save your marriage or that your marriage isn't worth saving. Actually, some of the most indignant and seemingly non caring spouses can be rehabilitated, can eventually coaxed to release their remorse once they feel safe to do so.

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